Wednesday, November 12, 2008
crossroads
exactly one week ago i was really happy. happy that i can finally get out of cornell without having to worry about my future or about the Plan A-Zs that I was plotting if i couldn't get a job.but fast forward to today and nownownow and i'm really troubled and confused.
so this is what the entire hiatus has been about: my future. for the past 11 months, there's always this nagging feeling at the back of my head that even though my life has been pretty smooth sailing, deep down inside i always feel worried and scared about how uncertain my future may be. in between searching for jobs and reading the wall street journal everyday about the worsening market conditions, i've been studying for my CFA qualification, thinking about grad school in UK (and thus forsaking the bf), doing a hospitality mgmt masters in cornell, waitressing in nyc until i can get a job at a bank etc etc. and so, there hasn't been any motivation for me to blog, to call home, to keep in contact with people over the summer because my life simply cannot move on if i couldn't get out of college without knowing what was laid ahead for me. so i lived day by day, studying for each upcoming prelim and tried to be as optimistic as possible.
and so those were the gloomy days of the past 11 months.
i recently applied to confirm my early graduation so i guess i shan't be hiding in school any longer than i should and graduate just as planned in may 2009. which seems really soon because 6 months will really go by in a jiffy. and now i am really confused as to where i want to be in 6 months time.
the main reason behind my choice to study overseas was because i really wanted to 'see the world' and live my own life abroad after i finish school. which is why i have been desperately finding for a job in nyc over the past year. it has always been a huge part of my dream to have my own exciting adventure halfway across the world instead of being stuck in narooma road and waking up to a comfy life of familiar faces and good food. but somehow, this entire job hunt thing has made me feel so jaded that i might have lost that burning desire to live my american dream.
and suddenly after being dejected for the longest time, my luck has changed all of a sudden and i've been offered two options: to either stay in nyc or go back to singapore. both jobs are with great firms with competitive salary packages and each have their pros and cons. should i stay in nyc and do asset management or head back to singapore for consulting?
out of the two, the consulting offer with bain is definintely more prestigious, offers a greater learning experience BUT things are always too good to be true and so the caveat is that i have to give up my the lifestyle that i have living in over the last 2 years if i choose to return to singapore. and also ck who is going to be working in nyc, which im even afraid to think about. its a huge sacrifice knowing that i will be passing up an opportunity to work with the brightest and nicest people to do a less exciting job with blackrock. then again, should i take this risk and work in nyc and wait for the markets to recover before doing something else that is more ideal 1-2 years down the road?
for the next week, i will have to ponder hard (again) about my future. no matter what the outcome is, i think there will be some sort of heartbreaking sacrifices to make and a huge dose of optimism required to convince myself that it is the right choice for me.
ilovetotwirl at 10:29 PM
