Sunday, November 16, 2008
decisions
after the first week of pure elation and the second week of denial, i finally stopped running away from the decision making process and sat down to think long and hard about the pros and cons of working in nyc vs. singapore over the weekend. and sadly, the answer that surfaced in the most obvious manner seemed to be singapore. and hence the confusion when the heart is still apparently siding with the former.everyone usually goes into university not knowing what they want to do when they get out of school; trudging by each day conquering exams, projects, smart and competitive foreign students and then finally, just before graduation, start thinking about where their lives should be headed too.
but i am different (or so i thought). when i came to cornell, i had great plans and big dreams. it has always been a dream for me to stay on in new york city until i graduate, work on wall street until i grow tired, and then move on to another big city in the world with you before we get sick and tired of getting stuck in the rat race. but what is perplexing is the fact that these dreams suddenly evaporated over night.
as i sit here with you peeking over my shoulder as i type this, we all know that the answer to my choice will not exactly be most ideal for both of us. but still, having a job is better than being jobless even if it means being separated thousand of miles away. as we try to convince ourselves that this is going to be the best for me and us, in reality, alot of things will change.
i will miss having the chance to live alone on my own for the first time; to be able to decorate my apartment and then keeping it spick and span. to be able to wake up every day to the honking from taxis downstairs. to shop along 5th avenue's h&m and soho every weekend. to eat at jing feng, the chinese restaurant which we strangely visit everytime we are there even though the dim sum is soo substandard.
as my undergraduate life at cornell draws to at end, i feel sad that all the good things i have experienced over the past 2.5 years are going to come to an end. seems like for us, for me, and my future, i have to give up our dream for now for a larger dream in the future.
as i slowly walk away from my life now, we both know that this is the best way out of the entire situation and that everything will work out in the end.
but 1.5 years from now, whether this dream can be fulfilled, is something that we won't be able to tell for now.
ilovetotwirl at 7:21 PM
